Musings Of An Influenced Mind

  I used to think No…I used to fear That no one thought of me If I wasn’t near. The thought ate me up and followed me everywhere. It kept me up every night As into the dark I stared, Lost in a sea of thoughts my fears grew and grew. Shadows in the dark of everything I ever knew, Stop it, it’s too loud! Please stop, it hurts! I can’t take it all! I press my hands on my ears. Louder they grew, Noisier they got, The thoughts raging in me, Irrelevant, Worthless, Good for Nothing! Then one day…they stopped? Or so I thought… Then I heard the scream IRRELEVANT, WORTHLESS, GOOD FOR NOTHING! Irrelevant, Worthless, Good for Nothing! IRRELEVANT! Stop it WORTHLESS! No please GOOD FOR NOTHING! I can’t hear this I worked hard to not be those things, Irrelevant, Worthless, Good for Nothing! But everything I did told me Irrelevant, Worthless, Good for Nothing! I cried myself to sleep Irrelevant, Worthless, Good for Nothing! I put music on really loud Irrelevant, Worthless, Good for Nothing! I kep...

 “Love and Hate are two distinct feelings. I believe that love is felt with the heart and soul, while hate is something that develops as you see the world through the eyes of others. If we learn to see past these flaws, we learn of a greater and more powerful feeling than ever imagined. But it’s almost nearly impossible since we humans aren’t perfect.  Though you can’t judge one for thinking the way he does. Sometimes people go through hell and become demons themselves. Sometimes life has a way of answering our calls. Most of the time, it’s the other side that picks up those cries. To me, life is a gift given to me by a greater power that we can’t understand, so why do most of us feel like we’re walking through the gates of hell as we take one simple breath? There’s too much judgement that why. I am not happy to say that I am part of those who judge, part of the hate that involves me making innocent people feel shame about who they are, but it’s the only way to feel be...

 Purpose makes me angry, frustrated, sad and happy all at once. We all want to have a purpose in life because sometimes it feels like our reason to carry on and live. I had a purpose, I wanted to work so hard to make sure that I will be able to move to a European country. This has been my goal since forever and in my journey of making it happen, I've reached so many points where I ask myself...is it going to be worth it? Will the move when it happens suddenly be anticlimactic? Will I have a panic attack because now I need a new purpose? How do we find a purpose in life?  I've thought about this in depth. It seems to me that finding a purpose revolved around what makes you happy. If you cannot find a purpose, it is time to reevaluate your life. It's time to ask yourself ' Am I happy and am I truly happy or am I conforming to society's idea of what I should need to make me happy?  Many times we realise that our happiness and purpose stems from society's idea of wh...