Musings Of An Influenced Mind

A taboo topic for sure but one that indeed has to be addressed. Mental health is like a death eater flying behind you all the time sucking the life and happiness out of you so much that no amount of chocolate will be able to heal you. Some people don't even look for that chocolate and go on with life sucking the happiness off other people cause they can't be alone in their misery. A cousin once told me that as taboo as it is, seeking help is OK. It's as OK as going to the clinic when you're having fever. Sometimes our head and heart don't cooperate. In those times we always feel like we're beneath a lot of water hands stretching out, bobbing up and down gasping whatever air we can get but never truly finding something so step on or hold on to. It's a lot to feel and it's a lot to handle. Some of us handle it through cutting ourselves, some through drugs, some through alcohol, some through shutting down. Sometimes we know something is wrong when we see...

So there's a study that says we have three faces, one we show the world, one we show friends and family, one that's our true self. We all know that's kind of true in some of us. There's that one personality that we revert to when we're in the presence of a large crowd, there's the personality we have with a small crowd, there's the personality that we have when we're with that small group of friends we trust and that personality we have with ourselves. The one we're really actually comfortable with. What if we were brave enough to be who we really truly are? That personality that you adopt in the confinements of your four walls where you feel the safest. That personality that makes you feel so at ease that you go to sleep engulfed in it. That personality that at the end of the day is the one that you truly enjoy the company of.  I have that personality. In the solitary confinements of my room, I am me. I am the person I want to be, I'm happy...

I've always thought I was clever. Being clever was..nay is a big deal. Being clever meant that you had a lot to talk about because you thought a lot. You thought about art, music, what's happening in the world, what's happening around you...You think about things people cannot comprehend... some of these you don't either but you try. Comprehension is the ability to understand something not only with your mind but with all of your being. When you comprehend something, you understand it so much that it ultimately becomes a part of you. A regular thought process in your life.  There are only a few things I truly comprehend in this life. How coffee makes everything alright, paying my bills first means I know how much money I have left to enjoy, having a no-no touch savings account is imperative,my dog loves belly rubs, I can't sleep without my doll and maggi noodles are fantastic. Not much I know but these are the things I'm 100% sure of. The rest is hearsay or...

I deleted my old blog after rereading it several times last year. I didn't want to save anything from it. It just wasn't me anymore. I didn't write for a long while because writing didn't mean anything to me. The thoughts in my head were a mess and I was not emotionally stable. Not saying I am now...but it's been a journey. I restarted this blog because I actually have a lot to say and no one to say it to. I have opinions but I always don't share them with the people around me because no one gets them. I usually end up having to explain the things I say which leads me to frustration. So I decided to come back to blogging. Telling strangers might make a difference or it just might not. I will never know if someone has actually read these words of mine but they're out of me. They're out of my mind and in that small fleeting moment, however small if may be, comes a moment of peace. I called this blog Musings of an Influenced Mind because my mind is gre...